Love... A Choice or a Feeling?

Several friends and I were having the FB discussion a few months ago about this topic. The conversation was in depth and the subject has yet to leave my mind.

I believe that love and being in love is a choice... not a feeling.

One author wrote, "I have bound myself for life; I have made my choice. From now on my aim will not be to choose a woman who will please me, but to please the woman I have chosen."

The bad thing about being human is that we believe in many things that we cannot feel, touch, taste, or smell... yet we have faith they exist. Love is one of those things. Now, I'm not saying love doesn't exist, I CHOOSE to believe that love is more of a state of mind, than a matter of the heart.

I can understand why young people talk about love as a feeling. When we're young, our emotions are running high so we tend to go with our gut. And, being young, we can be quite inflexible: things are either black or white. The smallest thing can turn us off: "He slurps his soup?" "She grinds her teeth?" I am outta here!!!

I hate to tell you this (and admit it myself) but your perception and your lack of experiences allow you to be lulled into believing love is this uncontrollable feeling you get in the pit of your stomach (NOTE: by experiences, I mean years on this earth, because in this case, that's what matters most)

But as we get older, we become more tolerant. Ask any older couple and you'll find that there are things they don't like about each other but not enough to make them fall out of love with their partner. They have chosen to stay with that person for the long haul. As we grow, we learn that "infatuation is the feeling, love is the choice." This doesn't mean infatuation is a bad thing at all. The problem is, it can waiver and small circumstances can alter it. Love, true love, won't be altered because he gained a few pounds, her mother is a jerk, or her snoring wakes you up a few times at night.

Could you imagine a place where everyone listened to their feelings? I can't either. We'd have more wars, diseases, and murders. Our world would be even more chaotic as people chose to do the wrong things based on their feelings/emotions. When it comes to infatuation (not true love), the wrong paths are:
1) staying TOO long when you are being abused (never a reason to stay... ever... that means not for one extra moment, ladies... and men)
2) marriage or a baby when you weren't "ready"
3) choosing not to be with someone because you didn't get that 'feeling'... although she may have been the one that would have helped you to grow as a man.

After three years of marriage, a woman was beginning to lose the spark she once had with her husband. They'd fallen into a rut. He was no longer the fun, spontaneous man she once knew. They'd discussed the issue before but although he made some improvements, it just hadn't changed much. She'd had enough. Being the fighter that he was, he told her to consider the following:

"Honey, this is where the decision part kicks in. Your initial feelings of 'love' have worn off. Books and movies have tricked all of us into believing this won't happen, but inevitably they do! It's because they don't explain that true love is not the feeling you once felt... it's a choice. I'm simply asking you give our love a chance... and work with me to make love work. Now, will you decide to stay for the long run or cut your losses and leave?

21 years and one son later, they are still together... and still in love.

CDA2